Tis A Buffalo :: 100 NaruSasu DrabblesOneShots
by Artful Loser
Summary: A collection of unrelated NaruSasu one-shots and drabbles. Currently rated T for language and sex themes.
1. The Overdone Sasuke's iPod Fic

A/N: Woohoo. Here's the first of my SasuNaru one-shot collection. It's a miracle that I even came up with one, but I'm planning on going all the way to 100. It'll help me with my writing anyway. So, enjoy.

* * *

**#1  
The Overdone Sasuke's iPod Fic**

Sasuke is such a bitch about his music.

He's even more emo when he has his iPod. I wouldn't have believed it before he got that thing. Every day when he shows up he's listening to whatever he feels like, and its turned up all the way so he can't hear anything, but we can all hear the whole annoying melody. It gets on everyone's nerves, but I'm the only one who will actually admit that we've switched roles. Sakura just yells at me for criticizing Sasuke and Kakashi says he needs a way to relieve his tension other than training, so that he won't kill us.

Then whenever I try to get him to turn it down, he ignores me in that brooding, sexy way of his. (Wait. I didn't call him sexy. I swear.) I know he can read lips and at least halfway comprehend my sign language, but then all he does is start mouthing the lyrics of whatever he's listening to at me that I can only get a few words out of (I can't read lips as well as Sasuke…). And whenever anyone interrupts his song for any reason, and I mean _any _reason, he gets all pissy and attacks.

So right now we're waiting for Kakashi on the bridge. Again. And Sasuke is brooding and listening to some song. Again. The only thing different about today is Sakura isn't here yet.

"Turn it down, Sasuke," I say, without any real force. It's kind of a habit now. Without the daily fight about the music, it's not a training day. He ignores me, like always. Or maybe he really can't hear me yet. I can't tell. I never learned how to read the expression on that perfect face…wait that came out wrong. Anyway…

"HEY, EMO KID, TURN THAT CRAP DOWN!" I yell. He just looks at me with his eyes wide, and when I point down, he just starts mouthing some weird lyrics again.

_Blah blah evidence…something about thoughts…and drill a hole into my skull…blah blah brains, blah blah rug, blah blah drug…_

I just turn away after that. I can't help it if the teme has mental problems.

After a few moments of trying to block out the screaming and electric guitars, I get an idea. If I cut the cord on his ear buds, neither one of us will be stuck listening to that crap. I just need to be stealthy. But as soon as I grab my kunai, he sighs, and actually stops his music. Wait, what? Well he does look pissed…so he must have seen me. Damn.

"Dobe, would you calm down if I let you listen too?"

Wait. What? Oh what the heck. "Only if I can pick the song."

Oh. He's serious. Wow. Smiling, I take the ear bud and the iPod from Sasuke and look through all his songs. Trying to ignore my left arm now brushing against his right, I look through all his songs and finally find one I recognize.

I chuckle as he realizes what song I picked, and he rolls his eyes and smirks. When did that look become so sexy?

Wait. I didn't say that. But I can't keep my eyes off him.

Apparently he notices, because he starts looking at me and singing (well, mouthing) along with the music.

_"Dirty babe  
You see these shackles? Baby, I'm your slave  
I'll let you whip me if I misbehave  
It's just that no one makes me feel this way."_

Great, now he's smirking. And why am I blushing? Damn, but he looks so sexy…

Wait. I don't think that thing with the duck butt hair was even remotely attractive…do I?

Still blushing. And he sees. Shit. I look away.

Now he's taking the iPod away from me. I just let him do it. I'm mortified right now, and kind of doubting my sexuality. Wait. No I'm not.

Okay, I'm seriously confused. Now the song is all slow and pretty. Why? Is he going to sing again?

Holding my hand…now he's singing.

_"Here I go  
Scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go  
But there's just no one that gets me like you  
You are my only, my only one"_

I have to look at him now. What the hell is he thinking? Wait, why is he blushing too? Is he getting closer?

Kami.

* * *

A/N: So that's my first one-shot thing. I think it's a bit confusing, but I didn't know how else to get where I wanted to go with this and still make Naruto's thoughts slightly incoherent. I might rewrite it later. Sasuke might be a bit OOC since I based his actions on me. No, seriously, I act exactly like that when I'm listening to my music. The first song is Falling Down by Atreyu, and the lyric Sasuke's lip synching is

_"I'd never find the evidence so horrible  
(so horrible)  
To clear my thoughts  
I drill a hole into my skull  
clean up my brains  
sweep them underneath the rug  
I needed them more than I needed  
any other drug"_

And the second song is Sexy Back by Justin Timberlake, and the third is Only One by Yellowcard. (Origionally I had Getting Into You by Relient K, but I decided to change it because Relient K is kind of a christian band and I didnt want to offend anyone or give the impression that Sasuke has religious views.) Am I disturbed or what?


	2. Konoha Luck

A/N: Wow. The last one had a lot of cursing. I'm not exactly sure that I got what I was going for, but oh well. I'm not changing it now unless someone tells me straight up that they're offended. Either way, I'll try to tone it down from now on.

This one's a fluffy one, with more Sasuke OOCness (only this time I have an excuse…lol). Enjoy while I'm still in the mood to write more than one per week.

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**#2  
Konoha Luck**

I always thought I had Konoha's worst luck. My family seemed to expect too much of me, but they loved me all the same. Then Itachi had to destroy it all. Nobody was left, and killing Itachi wasn't the relief I thought it would be. Then there's the fan girls…oh the fan girls. Yeah, I thought it was all my bad luck.

But right now, sitting here in the grass, watching the sunset with the most beautiful person in the world in my arms, I can't help but doubt that.

"You have the worst luck, Sasuke."

Aww. He's so clueless…its kind of cute.

"I'm serious." What, was I laughing? "All that's happened to you as a child, then being stuck with me now, out of all the gay guys in Konoha…"

"I don't want to hear it, Naruto. I couldn't have found anyone better than you. You, on the other hand, could have found someone better than me." I kiss him on the top of his head after I say this, kind of trying to prove that I can try to be someone better…for him. I don't want to lose him, not now.

"You really think that?" he says.

This time his answer is a kiss. You know, I think I might actually be the luckiest guy in Konoha.


	3. Superheroes

A/N: Two in one night…when I get inspiration, I seriously can't stop. Well, this one is based on a conversation between friends, so I apologize in advance for any OOCness (as if the last two weren't…but especially with Sai, because I haven't seen any episodes since 99 before the timeskip .). We're probably crazy…anyway, enjoy and I'll try to explain how this relates to real life at the end.

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**#3  
Superhero**

They always had the dumbest conversations. Especially when Naruto started them.

Sai, Naruto, Sasuke, and Sakura were eating lunch together at the ramen shop one day. The team was eating lunch after their daily morning training, and Sai just couldn't stay away from Naruto and Sakura after two and a half years of working together. Then Naruto started a conversation that was…just messed up, in Sakura's and Sasuke's opinions.

"Hey, if we were all superheroes instead of ninjas, what would our names be?"

Sai caught on quickly. "SuperSai! But of course, I'm already all powerful, so this conversation is irrelevant."

The other three sat quietly for a while; Naruto waiting for answers, the other two wondering whether they should answer or not.

Eventually Sasuke shrugged and said, "Jesus Lizard. I guess I'm in my human form right now."

Naruto and Sai snorted, and Sakura decided to answer. "Um…can I be Cuddle Bunny?"

"Sure…Your cuddles mean death anyway," Sasuke said. "Well Naruto, you started this. What's your superhero name?" He smirked, actually kind of looking forward to the answer.

"Me? I'm…ManMan!"

"That's stupid."

"That's stupid."

"No, its perfect for Naruto. ManMan. Man…Man. Man on man. I see how it fits together. ManMan…"

The other three blushed and giggled at Sasuke's innuendo, trying to contain their laughter and not draw attention. After they got over it, Naruto was still blushing furiously, and Sasuke kept blushing every time he caught Naruto's eye.

Eventually, Sai and Sakura finished, leaving an awkward silence between Sasuke and Naruto. Trying to break it, Sasuke hit his hands together, one vertical and one horizontal, and said "ManMan." Surprisingly to Sasuke, Naruto blushed and looked down at his eighth serving of ramen. "Actually, that would have been a better superhero name for me…you can be Jesus Lizard and I'll be ManMan."

Naruto choked on his ramen. "What, you're gay?"

"I thought it was common knowledge."

"Obviously not!"

"Hn."

Another awkward silence followed as Naruto inhaled his ramen and Sasuke waited. He told himself the only reason he didn't leave was because he was worried Naruto couldn't pay for all the ramen he ate alone, but both boys subconsciously knew the real reason.

Soon, they paid (Sasuke did end up having to cover half of Naruto's bill) and left. "So Sasuke. Wanna come to my place and see my Man on Man superpowers?"

Sasuke smirked and nodded. Maybe he'd actually act on that offer.

* * *

A/N: I hope I ended that okay-ish…any suggestions for an alternate ending are welcome. Anyway, here's the explanation of the real life version.

There's me, Aaron, and Zach. All summer, we kept saying Zach's a superhero and he knows everything and blah blah blah. That's where I got SuperSai.

Eventually we decided we're all superheroes, cause Aaron and I felt left out. We called ourselves the Super Compadres. We saw a video in biology with this lizard running across this river, and we called it Jesus Lizard, and that's where Aaron got his superhero name. For reasons that I'm saving for when the whole ManMan thing comes into play, Sasuke is Jesus Lizard.

I'm Cuddle Bunny, famous for my cuddles of death. I'm the only girl in the main branch (yeah, there's a bunch of lesser compadres), so I decided to make Sakura be me.

Well, we let Ryan (this guy in all five of my honors classes who sits with my posse in PreAP World History) into the Super Compadres, and he's a main one too because he's just awesome. He wanted to be ManMan. Then Aaron, who takes everything and makes it completely perverted whether he intends to or not, decided that meant Ryan was gay. See Sasuke's reaction to ManMan above. Yup, I decided that Sasuke was more likely than Naruto to turn the other's superhero name into an innuendo.

Yes, we are crazy. Thank you for asking. But that's exactly why I hang around with more guys than girls - there's not that many girls that aren't drama queens, and when your homies are guys you get crazy stuff like this. Aaron is also originated the buffalo thing in the title, so…I guess I owe him for my fic inspirations.


	4. Tanning Naked

**#4  
Tanning Naked**

Oh my god. No. I came here to train. These are the training grounds after all. I didn't want to find that loser laying here. Naked. And I didn't want to like what I see.

Okay. I should stay calm. "Dobe. Who would train naked?"

"I'm not training, teme. I'm tanning."

Kami. Naruto…tanning? Naked? "Okay then, who would tan naked?"

Snort. "To get a good tan. I don't want my arms and legs to be brown when my tummy and ass are pale."

Ever so blunt. Wow. Tanning naked. Personally, I don't think he needs it. He's already toned from training every day. It looks pretty sexy. Why don't the fangirls chase him?

Now he turns to me and says "Hey. While you're here, can you rub some more tanning oil on my back?" Gulp. Act cool. "Hn."

My legs shake as I walk over to him, and I nearly collapse when I get there. My hands still shake when he sits up and hands me the bottle and pouring the tanning oil in my hand and kami, its gross. Who uses this stuff anyway?

Okay. This is a favor for Naruto. Nothing special. He'd ask anyone to do this. It doesn't mean anything. This is just a favor.

Oh, jeez, does he have to moan like that? It's like he's enjoying this…oh hey. Maybe he is. I could tease him…I love being smart.

Long after I'm done with the actual oiling part, I'm massaging his back and neck. Its kinda fun, especially when he lets out the occasional moan. How can I resist leaning in and biting his ear?

Before I realize exactly what just happened, I'm kissing him. And he's kissing back, actually making it deeper. My thoughts aren't even making sense anymore. All I know is that Naruto is on top of me, my hands are in his hair and my tongue is in his mouth and I love it.

It goes on until neither of us can breathe. Then he smirks, and I realize exactly what just happened, and exactly what position we're in, and Naruto's still naked. Now that I'm thinking of it, where did my shirt go? As he chuckles, I realize I'm blushing. "Love you, teme."

"Love you too, dobe." Wow. That was an odd reflex. Still, it's true.

Oh well. My turn to straddle him.

* * *

"Sasuke-kun!"

Damn. How did Sakura and Ino find me? I spent all of yesterday with Naruto. We had a little chat sometime in the middle of it and…well, now we're dating. I guess Sakura and Ino couldn't have found out yet…but still. If they keep following me they'll make me feel guilty.

"Sasuke-kun! Ino pig and I are going to lunch together! Would you like to come with us? We'll pay! Please Sasuke?"

Okay. I guess I need to put an end to this now.

"Sorry bitches, I don't play that game. I have to go, I think Naruto's tanning…"

* * *

A/N: Well, I hope you liked that one.


	5. Whipped Cream?

A/N: This one's been in my head for a while. In this one there's some mentioned KakaIru, and right after that you'll see one of Aaron's most common phrases. He has absolutely no idea how much he contributes to my fics…heheh…. Now enjoy, because it'll probably be the last one before Spring Break.

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**#5  
Whipped…Whipped Cream?**

Sasuke just didn't understand it. He spoils Naruto and lets him have his way. He pays all the bills and does all the grocery shopping and everything. He plans the dates. He cooks the dinners and cleans the house, which just happens to be the Uchiha estate, which Naruto moved into when _he_ proposed.

So why is it that when they have sex, Naruto is on top?

Its not like it's a big problem, it just bugs the hell out of him sometimes. And its not like he's never been on top…actually, when both boys lost their virginity to each other, Sasuke was the one on top then. But after that, he's been the uke every time. Eventually, he talked to Kakashi about it. One day, he just caught him just after a meeting with the man who was, in his opinion, the hottest Hokage ever.

"Kakashi…I need to ask you something."

"Oh, Sasuke. Well, what is it?"

"Uhm…well…" He wasn't usually blunt, but it looked like he had to be. "Why am I always on bottom?"

"Easy. You're whipped."

"…What?"

"Yeah. Trust me, I know what you're going through. Iruka's the same way…like sensei, like student…I mean, cough…" Kakashi held up a hand to his mouth, which was covered up by his mask anyway, rendering his body language pointless. Sasuke could barely see a blush creeping up his former sensei's face. "Uh…I have to go. Your husband sent me on a mission, and I only have half an hour to prepare. Good luck." Kakashi placed a hand on Sasuke's shoulder before disappearing in a puff of smoke.

He sighed and left for the market – they needed more groceries. _'Holy shit, I am whipped…'_ Sasuke thought. The last word echoed in his head a bit until the side effects of living with the definition of hyperactivity kicked in. _'…whipped…whipped…whipped cream? Whipped cream! Of course!'_

* * *

"Sasuke-kun! Sasuke-teme? Sasuke-kun!"

Aww, how adorably annoying. Ever since their first date, he started calling him Sasuke-kun. It was cute at first, especially since it was just to annoy the girls, and when they were alone he still called him teme. Now he alternates between the two names. Still cute, but a bit annoying at the same time…not that it matters.

"In the kitchen. I'm putting things up." They had agreed that on any day Naruto had to work past 7 PM, he could go get ramen while Sasuke got his own supper. Usually, this happened a few days a week, so Naruto never missed his ramen...even though he got to have it for lunch _every_ day.

Naruto came in the kitchen, his face lighting up when he saw Sasuke closing the refrigerator door, holding something behind his back. "Oh, Sasuke-teme, a gift? You shouldn't have! Dattebayo!" he said, holding out his hands excitedly.

Sasuke smiled, a phenomenon reserved for moments alone with Naruto. "Patience…you'll have to earn it…" And with that, Sasuke retreated into the bedroom, never turning around so that Naruto wouldn't get the slightest glance of what he held.

As Sasuke expected, Naruto jumped to the most perverted conclusion, which was actually the right one in this case. The young sixth Hokage smirked, and seconds later was kissing Sasuke passionately. Seriously, how does he always do that so fast?

It only took a few seconds for both boys to lose control. The only thing preventing the whipped cream from falling to the ground was Sasuke being pinned up against the wall, as his hands were busy exploring the jinchuuriki's body, as if they didn't have every inch of it memorized already. Sasuke couldn't remember exactly when Naruto's shirt came off, but he couldn't complain either. Their tongues seemed to be confused as to which boy they belonged to, constantly stroking each other in passionate swirling motions. Naruto broke the kiss to move a bit lower.

"Na…Naruto!" Sasuke managed to gasp as the blonde nibbled on his neck.

"Hm?"

"Let's…go…go to the…the bed…" he panted.

He grabbed the can behind his back with his left hand and used his right to turn Naruto around and push him ahead. They got to their room in seconds and to the bed in less than another. The blonde jumped onto the bed, landing on his stomach, in perfect position. Sasuke jumped on top of him, pinning him down before he could shift. It only took him half of a minute to handcuff his dear husband, since he'd had them ready on the headboard before the poor blonde came home.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun," Naruto moaned, exaggerating the syllables in the sexiest way possible. "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me! Dattebayo!"

Sasuke smirked. This was pretty much Naruto's way of approving. This would be fun.

* * *

"Sasuke-kun!"

The moan was loud enough for the entire village to hear, but Sasuke didn't stop. Naruto was moaning in time with the juunin's thrusts and pumps, and holding onto the bedpost for dear life.

"Sasuke-teme! Oh! Sasuke-kuuuuun!" SNAP.

The blonde looked up and giggled at the damage to the headboard he'd caused, then replaced the giggle with yet another moan. He then got the idea to flip himself and Sasuke over mid-thrust, and pick up the pace.

"Oh, SASUKE-KUUUN!"

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

* * *

Naruto opened his eyes, hoping Sasuke was still awake. "Sasuke-kun? Sasuke-teme?" Sasuke lazily opened one onyx eye, which immediately met a guilty blue pair. "I'm sorry for what I did to the headboard…I'll get it fixed, 'ttebayo."

Sasuke was immediately filled with guilt for bitching about the headboard, right after some of the hottest sex he'd had that month. "Dobe, don't be sorry. It was my fault for not thinking about how the kyuubi reacts when you lose control like that…besides, if we got it fixed or got a new one, you could destroy that one just as easily," Sasuke said as he traced the whisker scars on the blonde's cheeks.

Naruto could tell that he was honestly forgiven, and he laid happily for another minute as his husband stroked his face, but he couldn't stay silent quite that long. "Hey. Hey. Hey. Why did you even do that in the first place, dattebayo?"

"Uhm…" Sasuke blushed a bit, then continued. "Kakashi said I wasn't getting to be on top because I was whipped. Well, that made me think of whipped cream, so I got a can of that, then two pairs of handcuffs. Waste of money, really, since we broke both plus the headboard, then never even used the whipped cream…"

"Woah, hold it one second…if you wanted to be on top, why didn't you just say so? I would've let you."

…fuck, really?


	6. Poetry

**#6  
Poetry**

_Stop it, drop it, roll away  
__And don't come back another day.  
__Nobody wants to see your face,  
__Nobody here wears black lace._

Shizune sighed and dropped her pencil. She always wrote poetry when she was feeling troubled, and lately she'd written many bits like that. The change in Sasuke's attitude to Naruto-kun was the cause of it. It was too sudden – it agitated her.

She looked out the window, admiring the full moon as she thought of the blonde, who she was sure would become the next Hokage. The night was so quiet, she was sure she could hear his voice…

"Sasuke-kun!"

Looking down, she realized that she had heard his voice, as he walked alongside Sasuke, lacing their fingers together. His face was positively glowing with happiness, Shizune could see even from her second-story window.

"Sasuke-kun, tomorrow let's spend all day together! We can go back to Ichiraku's for breakfast…then we can train some, since we have to anyway…then we can get lunch at Ichiraku's, then we can go to that fair that's starting that afternoon! There'll be rides and games and everything!"

Shizune could almost feel Sasuke's wince, but instead he looked down at his hyperactive boyfriend and said "Sounds fun."

Naruto stopped and blinked, and his raven-haired companion stopped with him. "Sasuke…my suggestions never sound fun to you." The full moon just barely allowed the blush dusting Naruto's cheeks to be seen.

"Naruto…I want to try to make it up to you. When I left, I could tell you were devastated. Every time you came after me, I refused to face the truth…that I love you, Naruto. I even wrote a bunch of those sickeningly sweet poems for you. Now that I'm back home, I want to be with you, always. I don't want to hurt you anymore."

Sasuke placed a soft, sweet kiss on Naruto's cheek, causing the blush coloring it to deepen. "Sasuke…I love you too…"

All was silent for a while as the two boys said the kind of things that can only be said through eye contact. Naruto broke the silence with a grin and a suggestion to watch a movie at Sasuke's.

Shizune smiled, retiring to her bed. Maybe she was wrong about Sasuke…maybe he would make it up to Naruto. Only time would tell.

* * *

A/N: Well, this started because I was so mad at this guy...my cousin's ex. The story is a bit personal, so I won't tell it. But I started to write a poem about it to vent, but I only wrote four lines, then immediately thought of Naruto...so I turned it into a fic. So its all origional, and I named the four-lined poem "Konoha's Sith Lord" (Again, thats because it relates to both my life and to Naruto, if Sasuke were to come back and confess his OBVIOUS love for Naruto _). And I decided to do this from Shizune's point of view, simply because she reminds me of myself. So, enjoy.


	7. Uchiha vs Uzumaki

A/N: Well, after a kind of long break, I'm back. I haven't been writing because of school, then life, then lack of inspiration. But now I have both time and inspiration. So here they come. Enjoy.

* * *

**#7  
Uchiha vs. Uzumaki**

"Uzumaki Sasuke!"

"Uchiha Naruto."

"UZUMAKI SAS-UKE!!"

"Uchiha Naruto."

Naruto huffed and turned away from his smirking fiancé, his arms folded across his chest. Sasuke's smirk became more pronounced, but he managed to hide it as he slid his arms around the 23-year-old toddler. He clasped his hands together, forcing the men closer together.

"Does this mean I win, Naruto-kun?" Sasuke breathed in his lover's ear. "Do we keep my last name?"

Naruto relaxed against Sasuke's chest, almost giving in to the man of his dreams, to make him happy. Almost.

"I have an idea…why don't we pick a different last name? You don't have to be Uzumaki, and I don't have to be Uchiha."

When he turned to look his black and white lover in the eye, it was Naruto's turn to smirk when he saw the other man seriously considering it. Eventually, he spoke.

"That is a good idea…but neither of us would really be happy with it. We'll just end up arguing over that too." Sasuke sighed and turned to face the beautiful blonde he was lucky enough to call his. "If it makes you happy…I'll be Uzumaki Sasuke from now on."

Said beautiful blonde smiled and relaxed in his pale fiancé's arms once more. "No, Sasuke. You proposed to me. There fore, I am the woman, and I take your name. Uchiha Naruto."

Sasuke, surprised by this sudden maturity, laughed and replied, "No. Its Uzumaki Sasuke."

"Uchiha Naruto!"

"Uzumaki Sas-uke."

"UCHIHA NARUTO!!"


	8. PMS

**#8  
PMS**

Sasuke sighed as he brushed his dark hair out of his eyes and rubbed his temples. Naruto had been a pain for the past few days, and even now he was in the other room moaning about cramps and how men are such pigs. The dark haired ninja had left the room, growing tired of listening to a gay man diss his own gender.

The throbbing in his temples grew stronger, which Sasuke took as the cue for Tylenol. He dragged himself over to the medicine cabinet, and his jaw dropped as he opened it.

It was stuffed with Midol.

Too shocked to say anything, Sasuke grabbed a box and went back to his and Naruto's room. The light ninja still lay there, curled into a ball with a hot pad on his stomach. Weakly, his complete opposite held up the box in his hand when Naruto gazed inquiringly at him.

Konoha's number one hyperactive knucklehead ninja raised his eyebrows. "Sasuke. I'm the female here. I'm entitled to some PMS."

* * *

A/N: Yeah, I know that was kind of bad. But its more something I had to get out. I have better ideas though, and hopefully they'll be posted before I go to bed this morning.


End file.
